Sunday, 1 July 2012

A discussion of dreams

Last night I had two dreams, and I thought I’d write about them here, before they fizzle off into oblivion as dreams often do. I think these dreams represent both my fears and my desires, so maybe it will be an interesting exercise to explore this a bit.

The first dream involved Gracie and Cooper and a very large, hairy tarantula. Gracie and Cooper are natural predators, and so it’s not a far cry from reality that they were “attacking” the tarantula in the dream. When I discovered this epic battle, I was horrified and began screaming at the dogs to leave it alone, lest one of them be bitten by this gargantuan spider, but by the time I got there, it was too late. Cooper began to limp away from the fight, and then he started to writhe on the ground (never mind that tarantulas aren’t, in reality, particularly dangerous). I freaked. My baby boy! I scooped him up best I could and mostly what I remember next is the horror and desperation I felt at the prospect of losing Cooper—someone I love (albeit a canine someone). This was one of those horrible anxiety dreams that you wake up from feeling first terrified and then relieved. I know I rushed Cooper off to the vet, but the dream fades there. A little anticlimactic, I know.

In the next dream I was running through some sort of dark and scary forest, and the thick brush on either side of the path closed in on me like a tunnel. I was running from someone. I think it was Voldemort. (time to slow down on the Harry Potter audiobook listening, perhaps?) And there were terrifying, almost spiritual obstacles in my path, like at one point where a heavy, thick, dark… cloud, maybe? mist? smoke?… rushed towards me ominously, and running through it was like running through tar, like slow motion. But I made it to the other side, because I prayed. I remember that desperate prayer in the dream, and knowing that I would never escape if not for divine help.

Next I remember a sudden sense of weightlessness—like how I imagine it would feel to walk on the moon. I was up in the air, and it was almost like swimming, and I just felt… free. It was wonderful.

So. Let’s discuss. First of all, fears. I am terrified of losing people I love. Always have been. I think Edd’s passing made it all a little more real. I don’t really know what else to say about all that, except that I know death is a very real part of life, and I need to find a way to accept that. The fact that I so often dream about my dogs dying is sort of evidence of these out of control fears, if you ask me.

Next. The Voldemort/black smoke/weightless floating dream. First of all, no, I’m not on drugs. I just have really weird dreams. Second of all, isn’t this dream kind of a metaphor for all of life?!  There are constant battles of good vs. evil all around us, and sometimes the rush of black mist blows in faster than you ever though possible, and you have to look to a Power greater than yourself to free you from it.  To make you not afraid.

I’m not a Bible thumping believer by any stretch of the imagination. My relationship with and understanding of God is an ever-evolving one. But I know that it’s important who and what you turn to when you feel stuck. And maybe this dream was just a little reminder to give your burdens up to God and to involve other people (the right people) in your struggles. That feeling of weightlessness—it seemed like everything I’ve ever desired. And even though it’s not plausible that we’ll feel that way throughout all of life, it is plausible that we don’t have to walk through life heavy and alone.

What about you? Do you like to analyze your dreams? Do you think they mean anything, or do you think they’re just a scrambled omelet from somewhere deep in your subconscious? Curious to hear your thoughts…

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