Monday, 13 May 2013

Dear Matthew

Day 13. Issue a public apology. Don't worry, this will only be marginally uncomfortable for all of us.

*he hates having his picture taken. It is physically painful for him.

Dear Matthew,

When you and I met over four years ago, you really had no idea what you were getting into, did you? And neither did I, to be fair. People tend to be on their best behavior in the beginning of a relationship, and then sometimes, as time passes and life happens, you start to learn some things about the inner workings of a person, the way they're wired, and sometimes you're really impressed and sometimes you're taken aback or concerned or annoyed or what have you.  All that's normal, of course. However, I feel the need to publicly announce how sorry I am that you got stuck with someone with as severe PMS and overall emotional instability as me. Of course, this emotional instability is only seasonal (approximately two weeks out of every month), but still. That's a good chunk of our life you spend juggling my mood swings, snappiness, random bursts of crying during Pedigree or ASPCA commercials, questioning the meaning of life, yelling at you, tired apathy, incessant complaining, and/or general moping about. I'm afraid that most everyone else gets the best version of me, and so often you're the only one that sees the worst. It's not really fair. 

The truth is that you are quite constant, even in your traits that drive me crazy, but I am not. You walk a precarious line, never sure which version of Jenni you'll face today. And that must be difficult. You're a saint for putting up with it and loving me anyway. I really am sorry for what I so often put you through, and I really am so thankful that you choose every day (every minute, sometimes) to love me anyway. I admire you so much, though sometimes your awesomeness only pisses me off more, in the moment, because it's hard to stand next to someone who stays on such an utterly straight and narrow path comprised of perfect discipline and go-getterness that I wish I had. Maybe over time your steadfastness will rub off on me, and some of my good traits will rub off on you a little, too. I see it happening a bit already, and it makes me smile. Hopefully we don't just drive each other completely bat-shit-crazy in the interim. Love, love, love you,  


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