Tuesday, 7 May 2013

The thing(s) I'm most afraid of... losing.

Day 7! We've made it one whole week so far! Major congrats to those of you who've really blogged every single day in May with me. Is it easier or more challenging than you thought it would be?

Today's topic is "the thing(s) you're most afraid of." I could go kind of surface-y on this one and say I'm scared shitless of tsunamis and have a recurring dream of being at my Grandparents home on the coast of Oregon and seeing a giant 100 foot wall of water crashing towards the house (while I'm in it), or I could tell you how afraid I am of being on a sinking cruise ship or drowning in general. Or perhaps I could detail my fear, nay, terror of cockroaches and bees and giant spiders, but that would all be just the normal and even irrational stuff, true as it may be. 

I'm also a bit afraid of gigantic beasts like horses and cows, though I had an opportunity to face that fear over the weekend. This guy was sweet!

I had to dig a little deeper to think of what I'm really afraid of.  And most of it has to do with losing something.

My mom.
My husband.
Gracie and Cooper.
My health.
The health of someone I love, like one of those aforementioned.

These are things that are more likely to happen than a 100 foot tsunami. People lose people all the time. People get bad news about their health all the time. I have lost people. I have stood by while someone I know or someone I love gets that bad news. And it is the scariest thing in the world to me. Any one of those things would break me open and apart. Challenge who I am as a person. I don't know how I would survive without those closest people in my life, or without my constant little furry companions that I love like real babies. I don't know that I would live up to the standard of grace that has been set by those gone before me, if I were diagnosed with some debilitating or life-threatening disease (here's looking at you, Edd).  I'm not sure if God is really the one who designates disease and hardship and tragedy... somehow I don't think he is. But I'm afraid, if he does, that I'll be chosen next. That next time it will be my own mother or husband, two people I cannot live without, or my own body that will fail me. Those are my deepest fears, I suppose.  I wish there was a light and happy note to leave it on, but fears are fears. All I can do is hope that I'll have strength enough to face whatever hand this life might deal me.  

How about you? What are the things you're most afraid of? It's totally OK if you chose not to get as "heavy" as I did. ;) Linkup below!

***In the "Name" box of the linkup you have 50 characters, and I encourage you to write the name of your post, your blog, or something extra instead of just your actual name - that will make things more interesting and eye-catching on this list! :)

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